My Story

It started small, as something TO control…striving for perfection. As with every story though, it began to spiral OUT OF CONTROL.

(December 2009, 110 pounds)

It started subconsciously, but became an obsession with motives, one that I tried to hide.

As a student nurse, or any human being…one would think that I would pick up on the signs; all of my clothes became too big, I never “felt hungry”, I called attention to my weight loss but was appalled if anyone asked if I had a problem or questioned my emotions, my hair started falling out, I felt like shit daily, I was blacking out randomly throughout the day and obviously…I ate practically nothing.

Tell me that someone else was doing this and it is a no brainer; they are suffering from Anorexia Nervosa. But not me…no, I am special, I am the exception.

(August, 2010 at 115)

My battle with Anorexia Nervosa seemed to sneak up on myself, but that is how most people claim it is. My freshman year I lost 30 pounds in a few months. Of course, I noticed this and even called attention to it, but I demanded that something was wrong with me—I had CT scans because of my headaches, blood work and tons of tests. Doctors had asked me time and time again 1)Are you eating?, 2) Do you have a problem?, and 3) How is your mood?. Every time my answers were the same; 1) Of course I am eating, ask my mom…when we go to dinner, I eat. 2) Of course not and 3) My mood is normal, I’m fine.

None of that was a lie in my mind. When my parents did come to take me to dinner, I was sure to eat. (Looking back, of course I did..I wasn’t stupid). In my mind I didn’t have a problem, and I was never an emotional person.

Numerous doctor’s appointments, tests and one hospital visit later…I was still convinced that something was medically wrong and that there was nothing I was doing to cause this. It wasn’t until I was happy to be puking up all of the alcohol I just drank, and a deep conversation with a close friend of mine that I was able to admit that I had a problem, and I needed help.

On October 29, 2010, both drunk…my friend approached me saying “I know you have a problem with food too and I think we need to help each other”. For months I had been asked if I had a problem, but because she admitted it too…I finally told everyone that I had a problem and needed help. 

I had been put on anti-depressants already to “help my headaches”, but they further increased the dosage in hopes to start my appetite. I started attending an Eating Disorder Therapy Group, an individual psychological therapist, two doctors (for weight checks and whatnot), and a dietician/nutritionist.  I was put on physical restriction until my weight went up. Through my disease, I weighed an all time low of 97 pounds. However, with the support of my family, friends and various health care providers I am considered in recovery. I am
back to a healthy weight.

In reality though, Anorexia is never over. Eating disorders are lifelong battles people go through.

**There are a few pictures throughout in which my weight varies. As part of my recovery however, I was supposed to get rid of many pictures where I was the most thin, as these could be detrimental to recovery and my health.

**Feel free to ask any questions!